Monday 23 October 2017

The Suburban Peasants Guide to Road Kill

Foragers tend to be good at finding fruit, vegetables, nuts and mushrooms. Those lucky enough to live close to the sea can supplement that with shell-fish (and sea-weed), but if you don't then the best animal protein you can find is usually the form of garden snails - a tasty (but fiddly) morsel that isn't to everyone's taste. There's another option though.

The thing about the Suburbs is they're almost, but not quite, out of town. And that means that when you get out on your bike or in a car, you'll very often be out on rural roads very quickly - which means you've opportunity to obtain a heck of a lot of free protein.

You've most likely taken on a demeanor of disgust now. The idea of scraping a dead animal up off the road and eating it sounds, well, gross. So your nose has wrinkled up and your eyes narrowed, the classic defence we all have against things we think may make us ill. But I think, unless you don't like meat, you should reconsider.


Ok. I'm Listening. Why Would I Eat Road Kill?

With a good eye, and just a few precautions, you can glean a free meal from a creature that has quite needlessly died. It has probably lived a better life than a farmed animal, and its otherwise going to go to waste. We've lots of wild game (and tasty vermin) in the UK, and it is typically very healthy, low fat, versatile meat. But it can be strangely awkward to source - few supermarkets even have fresh rabbit or pheasant these days, so you'll have to go to a butcher, farmers market or game dealer. You are, literally, going right past a tasty dinner that is going to go to waste - why would you eat it is the wrong question. Why wouldn't you eat it? Its low impact, free, tasty, healthy food. 

What Kind of Meat do you Get?

We're mowing down animals by the thousand on our roads - but that doesn't mean they're all likely to be tasty. Its sadly rare for a rabbit or a squirrel to be in a useful state after a road accident. It'll probably be a furry, blood-stained pan-cake. Most commonly what I get from the roadside is pheasant or pigeon - they're often hit by car bumpers rather than tires, so they're usually intact and in good condition. But I've had the occasional rabbit and squirrel where they've had a bang on the head from a passing car, and while my own bike rides don't usually take me anywhere I'll find a deer, there are a heck of a lot them killed on the roads - but a deer is rather more difficult to handle, for various reasons I'll mention later.

OK. I've got out of the car/off the bike to look at a dead animal. Now what?

Firstly, have a look to see how intact it is. A rabbit with a tire track down the middle of it isn't much use to you. But if there isn't much exterior damage, if it looks more or less intact, then you're off to a good start.

Turn it over to see that its intact on the other side - use a stick if you like. You might well find its full of maggots at that point, but it may not me. If it still seems intact at this point, pick it up and have a feel. If its still warm (like, body temperature warm) then its obviously fresh. If its got rigor mortis then its not very old (hours), that's a good sign too. Inspect the rear end and the front end to make sure its not all mangled (you don't want the goop from top or bottom infecting the meat), and take a deep-lung full of clean air topped off with a tentative sniff of your potential meal at the end. Does it smell like an animal rather than a rotting carcass? If it smells ok and has passed your visual examination, you're good to go. This advice works for rabbit, pheasant, pigeon, partridge... Most of the smaller animals you see. If you think you might see a deer, you need to do a but more reading. The word you're looking to google is 'gralloching' - if you think you can do that, and you think the carcass is in a good enough state such that this will still be relevant, then have a go. Venison can taint very badly if the guts are damaged, you need to take a bit more care (and do a little more reading) if road-kill deer are your quarry.

Right, I've taken this damn thing home, now what?

People have an odd idea that game should be hung for weeks on end, and it simply isn't true. Rabbit and pheasant are rarely hung for long. and hare is only really hung for a few days. Don't feel an urge to hang the animal for days, just until you're ready to process it (and at least until rigor-mortis has worn off). You'll find no end of information for how to process basically any wild meat, and once you've got it home you've plenty of time to consider how you're going to do this part.

In brief, its meat. Pheasant roasts well, or stews magnificently. Pigeon breast is amazing fried hot and fast and served bloody. Rabbit oughtn't need any introduction but has sadly fallen out of favour - can I suggest portioning it and deep frying it like chicken, or currying it. Its as versatile as chicken and even tastier.

So next time you're out for a nice ride out on country roads, keep your eyes open for freeby dinner. 

 

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